Hey, guys. I am currently involved in a perplexing social si..
🕑 Added 2022-05-12 02:30:56 +0000 UTC
Hey, guys. I am currently involved in a perplexing social situation. Since I consider you guys like my friends, I wanted to make a post asking for advice about the situation from you guys.
The TLDR version: My “ex’s” ex keeps contacting me and she’s weirding me out. I want to know what her motive is.
Let me start from the beginning: So I briefly dated this guy a long time ago, when I was in my late 20s, around 8 or 9 years ago. We'll call him "Jay," for the sake of this story. I put “ex” in quotation marks, because we only dated for one month and only had sex one time before parting ways. Our relationship was nothing significant or important. We stayed in touch periodically, but only as friends. We were the type of friends that would sit down at a restaurant and have a meal together once or twice a year and just catch up on what's new in our lives.
One day, he started dating a new girl. He told me all about her at dinner one day. He was beaming while talking about her and said he wants to get married. I was happy for him. A year or two after he starts dating her, he just randomly disappeared. I didn't think much of it at the time since I was also busy with my own life. A couple years go by and it suddenly dawns on me that I haven't heard from my friend in a really long time. So I just randomly text him to reach out to him and make sure everything is all right on his end. He never got back to me.
So I go check his profile on Facebook, and I see that he blocked me. We never had an argument or anything, so I thought that was strange. I suspect his girlfriend may have been the jealous type and may have made him block me and a bunch of other girls on his Facebook, so I just decided to leave it alone and cease contacting him.
Around this same time I noticed he blocked me, his girlfriend of several years (let’s call her Lily) added me on Facebook. I also noticed that she would periodically like my posts from years ago, so it was pretty clear she was stalking my Facebook. This behavior seemed pretty on par for a partner who seemed like the jealous type, so that’s the reason why I figured she must have made Jay block me. I saw no harm in keeping her on my social media, because I figured she was harmless. She would see that I'm in a happy marriage, she would see that I never contact Jay, and maybe that would quell her anxiety. That’s what I thought.
Then she starts messaging me around Valentine’s Day and asks for my number. Me, thinking she wants to tell me something important about Jay or something, gives it to her. She calls me and I pick up. She kept asking me so many questions about my personal life: my occupation, my husband, where I met him and what he’s like, whether I have any kids, where I work, what modes of transportation I take. I told her that on days I travel far for work, I take the Amtrak. But I felt so uncomfortable about her randomly reaching out to me to ask me so many questions, that I lied to her about where I work.
At one point, she was even asking me extensive questions about my personal medical history. She wanted to know exactly where I was living, who I was living with, and why I chose to live there. Really strange, elaborate, and at times, inappropriate questions to ask somebody you don't even know.
Now here's where it gets even weirder. Over the next 2 weeks, she proceeds to call me every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, because she somehow can't seem to figure out how to buy an Amtrak ticket on her own. She keeps calling me asking for my help because she now knows I take the Amtrak sometimes.
It's not normal to call a complete stranger over and over again because you can't figure out how to buy an Amtrak ticket. It's also not normal to not be able to figure out how to purchase an Amtrak ticket when you're an adult in your 30s. She's a competent adult with a job. She graduated from college. None of this is remotely normal. This whole situation seems very odd to me.
I tried to help her at first, but after so many calls over the span of almost 2 weeks, I finally told her I am not employed with Amtrak, I am not any authority on Amtrak and how it works, so she really needs to contact the Amtrak hotline to get her questions answered and not me. She still keeps calling me anyway. She even asked me for the Amtrak hotline number. Why she couldn’t use Google to figure it out herself, I have no clue. So I looked it up and gave her the phone number so she could call them.
Even after she called them, she continued to call me, relaying to me what the Amtrak employees told her, and what I think this means. This has already been going on every single day for two weeks now, and each phone call lasts between 15 and 60 minutes. This is a lot of time out of my day I’ve dedicated to helping solve her problem and just chit chatting about personal nonsense.
So finally, I start getting impatient because of her repeated calls to me, so I decide to call Jay. At this point, we haven’t talked to each other in years, but I call him to ask him to please help Lily figure out how to buy this Amtrak ticket, because she keeps calling me, and I’m not sure why she has so much trouble figuring this out on her own.
It was when I called Jay that Jay broke the news to me, that he and Lily haven't been together in over 6 months now. Alarm bells started ringing in my head. This whole time, I was being friendly and welcoming to her, because I was under the assumption that she was Jay's girlfriend. Now to find out she's stalking my Facebook, calling me every day, and she withheld the information from me that her and Jay aren't together. Every time I asked her how her and Jay were doing over the phone, she always acted like they were a couple together and they were totally fine.
I asked Jay why he thinks that Lily is reaching out to me so much. He suggested that maybe she's looking for new friends. But my gut feeling is that she has more nefarious intentions. It doesn't make any sense why she would have Jay block me on Facebook and then suddenly want to befriend me.
I am not the only one who feels this way. I remember being on the phone with Lily and talking to her on speakerphone around my husband. He also was creeped out by her and the questions she was asking me and was giving me a confused and almost alarmed face the whole time while listening to our conversation.
On our latest phone call, she was insistent about wanting to hang out with me on an Amtrak, and wanting to go hiking with me. Again, not a normal activity to do with somebody you’ve never met before. The Amtrak station that I go to for work is also over an hour away from where she lives. I have no intention to see her in person, because at this point, I have no idea what's going on in her head or what her intentions are with me.
My husband heard this and was even joking afterwards, saying stuff like, “Maybe she’s going to push you in front of a moving train. Maybe she thinks your relationship with Jay was more than it was. Maybe she blames you for her breakup and she’s going to get even. Maybe she’s going to take you hiking and stab you.”
He was joking, obviously. We dont really think she's planning anything like that. I'm just saying it to illustrate just how creepy he finds the whole situation. We were hosting a family party one month, and I invited Jay when I called him over the phone. My husband was so alarmed by Lily and how bizarrely she was behaving, that he told me, “If Jay is bringing Lily, please do not invite him anymore.”
By the way, when I spoke to Jay on the phone asking for more info about her, he has NOT told me that she has autism, learning disability, or any other disorder that would explain her behavior.
I'm not opposed to having new friends, but she's just too needy and creepy and awkward for me to want to associate with her. The way she communicates and talks and approaches people isn’t normal. Something about her makes me nervous. I hadn't called her back in a couple weeks because I was trying to slowly distance myself from her. Every time she called, I kept telling her I was too busy to talk. She then invited me to go hiking with her over text. I respond back, "Where do you want to go hiking? Idk I'm really not much of a hiker." She then sends me a confrontational text, saying, "Why do you want to bother asking where I hike when you don't even care enough to call? People are typically much more caring than you." Another red flag.
I've never met her. I don't know her. She just comes out of nowhere after adding me on Facebook wanting to interact with me. She stalks my social media and scrolls back to posts I made years ago. I seriously don't know what her intentions are with me, since she's no longer dating Jay.
My question isn’t how to confront her or avoid her. I know how to do that. My question is, what do you guys think her intention is? Why do you guys think she's contacting me so much? Is she just an awkward girl looking for friends or what? Is this a lot more harmless than I am making it out to be? Or could this potentially be like a serious problem?
