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Today I’m intentionally headed down a rabbit hole into my ow..
🕑 Added 2021-01-09 14:32:48 +0000 UTC Today I’m intentionally headed down a rabbit hole into my own subconscious. This butt photo is unrelated. Psychedelic journeys are regular occurrences for me and have been a vital part of my self discovery, undoing and rebuild over the last 5years. This trip will be different. It’s the first time I’m doing it in a facilitated setting - and with others. It has inadvertently become a blended poly family activity where myself, my partner @thenonbinarydom, our other partners and their biological siblings will be joining. I’ve never been one for family gatherings, but that’s a sadder story for another time. But this version I can get on board with. My intentions for this trip are around this...being here. My shame. My sex. My why. I’ll be 30 in 19 days and I no longer want to run from the things that make me feel happy, whole and seen. I want to embrace all parts of myself and step into a place of power. I have led with my kundalini energy my entire life - but it has not always been intentional or with purpose. But it has always taken me to the places and people I needed to experience. I love my sex. I love my body. I love my mind. I love my masochism. I love my voyeurism. I love my exhibitionism. I love my dominance. I love my submission. These are and always have been my favourite parts of myself and I want to find the confidence to live as them openly and always - not just in the shadows or in my off time. I’ve spent 10years trying to convince myself that I could find a place and pace in the vanilla world that made me happy. I’ve spent that whole time telling myself that I had to do things the way I had seen them done because that was “the” way. Even as I’ve stood in front of others and reminded them they had options of how to live, fuck and earn money, I’ve felt my imposture syndrome flare up. For as “out” as I’ve been, I’ve only been out of the closets I felt comfortable letting people know that I lived in. And any sense of shame or fear that still exists in my system is still a poison to my purpose and a disservice to my happiness. Today I hope to talk to my higher self - I see them frequently on psychedelics. They wear leather, and they Daddy Dom me like no other. They are beautiful and soft and commanding and witty and wonderfully sadistic. They are not trapped in their head. They stand in their power. They embrace their body. And they fuck without fucks. They know their worth, their value and their voice. I believe this version of ourselves exists within everyone. And I believe it’s my why in this world to show you mine so that you can find yours. Because you deserve to be whole. You are perfect as you are. All parts of you are worthy of love and pleasure and to be seen and exercised. We don’t need closets. My intentions today are to solidify that as truth within myself so that I have the energy to give that to others. Starting with you.
